thoughts..

Today I realized how much truth Matthew 6 has. In all the struggles that I face, whether it be school, family, friends, or personal stuff, the chapter covers so many applicable principles and themes. The first subtitle is “Giving To The Needy.” Although it does specifically talk about it, I do think it refers to a lot more than just giving to the unfortunate people in our society, as the first sentence says, “Be careful not to do your ‘acts of righteousness’ before men, to be seen by them. If you do, you will have no reward from your Father in heaven.” (Verse 1). I don’t think this needs much explanation. The passage also touches upon fasting and storing up treasures in heaven, which are no doubt important topics. But what stuck out to me most blatantly were the “Lord’s Prayer” and “Do Not Worry.”

9“This, then, is how you should pray:
‘Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be your name,
10your kingdom come,
your will be done
on earth as it is in heaven.
11Give us today our daily bread.
12Forgive us our debts,
as we also have forgiven our debtors.
13And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from the evil one.’”

Ever since I was small, everything in this prayer has seemed so usual and factual. I mean, it’s obviously a good thing to forgive our debtors and not fall into temptation. But I’m finally starting to realize the application it has to my own life. It starts with a praise to God, a declaration of His greatness. Then it says my favorite part: Your will be done. Then, a cry for God to be our provider, followed with a plea to be more like Christ in his forgiveness. Finally, a request for protection. I just love it. Somehow it just covers pretty much every topic you could ever pray: praise for God, help for others, personal transformation, physical needs, and protection against the enemy. I love it.

The last portion addresses worrying. “Do not worry.” I’m sure the passage has been published and written all over people’s sermon outlines, study guides, and whatever else you use. But look at the root. Again, “Do not worry.” How in the world are we supposed to live that out? There’s really no way in my opinion. We’re always going to worry about something, no matter how small it might be.

But just as Daniel opened his window and prayed (Daniel 6), here is my window that I open. Not out of pride or self-glorification, and even though the first sentence, just as I stated, says to keep in private your “acts of righteousness,” here is my prayer:

God, would You grant me wisdom, just as Solomon had asked. Your will be done, not mine. You have a perfect plan for me, a course that I barely know, and at most have barely glimpsed. Give me what you want. Not what I want, not what they want, not what he wants, not what she wants, but what You want. I know that You’ve made clear Your plan; but I am too blind and wretched to see it. I have neither the patience nor understanding to know what You have in store for me. Not because I am unwilling to wait or to discipline myself to see, but because I do not have that strength. For Your grace is sufficient for me, and I will boast all the more gladly for Your glory. Help me forgive the trespasses of others, the doings that I consider wrong, whether they be or not. And please forgive me for the sins I have placed upon others, especially those that care for me. Pour out the blessings You have in store for them. Hide them in the shadow of your wings. Hold them close in Your arms, let them feel Your warmth, and never let them go. Protect them, take care of them. And would You place within me a blessing for them that I may present. Give me the strength to live what You want for me. God, You truly are the God of all wonders. Thank you for loving me like You do. In Jesus’ name I pray, Amen.

My feet are cold. I’ve realized that when I’m sitting in my room and my feet are cold, it’s more effective to warm them by actually taking my socks off. I’m not really sure how it works though, since supposedly adding layers would help keep the warmth in. I can only explain it in one way: the only way to get warm is to first realize that you’re cold. Makes sense right? You gotta know what’s wrong before you can find a solution to the problem. Too bad it doesn’t really help much. My feet are still cold and the only thing I can do about it is to shower to warm them up.

———

what soars can only soar for a moment in time
and soon must come back down
after a few seconds of thrilling confidence,
beings and bullets must fall likewise

-June 4, 2008

———

Not Myself - John Mayer

Suppose I said
I am on my best behavior
there are times
I lose my worried mind

Would you want me when I’m not myself?
Wait it out while I am someone else?

Suppose I said
Colors change for no good reason
words will go
From poetry to prose

Would you want me when I’m not myself?
Wait it out while I am someone else?

And I, in time, will come around, come around
I always do for you

Suppose I said
You’re my saving grace?

My grace
My self
Not myself, my myself and I…
When I’m someone else
When I’m someone else
When I’m someone else
When I’m not myself
Myself
Myself

It Is Well With My Soul

Verse 1:
When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say,
“It is well, it is well with my soul.”

Chorus
It is well (It is well)
With my soul (With my soul)
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Verse 2:
Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed his own blood for my soul.

Verse 3:
My sin, o, the joy of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

Verse 4:
And, Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trumpet shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.

As much as I like kids and clueless little babies, I have officially decided that kids can be so annoying. Sometimes they just don’t get it. And it’s not because they can’t understand, they just think it’s cool to do something over and over again.

It is currently a Friday night, which means my parents fellowship is here, along with their kids. Ten minutes ago I stepped outside to look for something to eat. Lo and behold, I still had one microwave pizza in the freezer. Okay, yes, I had a life-threatening encounter with microwave pizzas just a few weeks ago. But let’s ignore that for now, and concentrate on the fact that it was the only remaining thing to eat. So, I took the pizza out of its wrapper, flipped the tray thing so the silver side was up, stuck it in the microwave, and set it for 2 minutes and 45 seconds. Then of course, to avoid the noise outside, I came back inside. Out of habit, I refuse to pay attention to my microwave’s beeping and tend to wait a few more minutes before I eat it (something I failed to remember three weeks ago). Unfortunately, 2 minutes and about 32 seconds later, the kiddies decided to remind me about my cooked pizza, and have so for the last (now) 13 minutes. I’m not quite sure why it’s bothering me, but I think the door-banging, shouting, and slipping-paper-under-my-door probably contribute. Do they really think that I don’t hear? It’s kind of interesting listening to their conversation. They speak as if it concerns life or death that I go outside and get the pizza, and are currently trying to pick my lock. And now they just picked it. If they keep talking to me I’m going to be so freaking pissed off…

I hope I was never like that. And that they don’t look through my stuff, which they are actually currently doing. Wow. Was I really like this? Mm they just played my guitar and are touching my keys. Too bad their parents aren’t here. Sometimes I wish that they break something so that I can get a new anything. Like a guitar. That ding that I put in it during the first week I got it gets me mad, so if they broke that I could probably care less. Mmm yes, the parents have come downstairs. Good. It’s about time.

On another note, I have yet to submit my private apps. Part of me is being so lazy and banking on the fact that some essays are optional. I think I’m recording tomorrow for all the arts supplements. Too bad it’s basically been two months since I’ve really played Tchaik and Bach; wonder how those will turn out.

Andddd they’re still playing with my lock. I hope I’m patient with my kids…

If I went to Homestead, I would take PE Bowling. Every single year.
I thought of something philosophical the other day, but I can’t think of it anymore.

Break is almost halfway done. I’m surprised to say that it hasn’t gone by that quickly. Being about halfway through seems about right, but I’ll regret saying that in seven days. I’ll leave with a song.

One Touch - Gabe Bondoc

Verse 1
One touch and I’m hooked and I am drowning
One look and I’m lost inside your eyes
Excuse me, I don’t mean to be staring
But I’ve forgotten all my lines

Chorus
I was gonna say, “Hey, you’re looking fine today
Not that I’ve only noticed now.”
I was gonna say, “Hey, you think there is a way
That I could get you to stay for a while.”

For a little while…

Verse 2
I’m trying articulate and failing
My words just aren’t cooperating
“Breathe deeply,” I’m trying to tell myself, but
My heart won’t slow ’cause of you

Bridge
I tried it once or twice, not looking in your eyes
But that’s impossible, baby
This feeling’s so brand new, I wanna speak to you, but
I was never good at impromptu

I hate that all teachers think the same way. Consequently, students always have multiple tests on the same day.

Variations takes up too much time. I’m not really sure why I did it.

I just ate a microwave pizza. Unfortunately, I did not realize how hot it really was since the crust was, well, hard and cold already. And even more so than the cheese, the tomato sauce was extremely hot too. So I took a bite of the pizza ripped off that piece, some cheese came up still stringy, bringing under it the scorching tomato sauce. This sauce hit the outside of my lip, and naturally, I reacted by using my front teeth so scrap it away to take the pain away. Except when I did that, I scraped some skin along with that sauce. Now I have a little chunk of my lip that’s skinless. This hurts. My lip is going to look weird. I think I’m going to go take some vitamin B now. And put on some antibiotics.

I just realized how much of a 90’s person I am. All the music from back then, like Backstreet Boys, NSync, 98 Degrees, even bands that I used to hate like New Kids On The Block and God forbid, Hanson. And of course, we’ve got all those really good singers like Brian McKnight, Celine Dion, Mariah Carey. But I think I know why I like that music so much. The most popular music nowadays (not pop genre, but popular music) seems to have shifted to basically Rap and R&B, if you can even call it R&B, seeing as a lot of songs don’t incorporate the “blues” part. Everything now is just so superficial and physical. All the songs talk about is how they wanna get on the floor with someone and eventually go home with the person.

What happened to all the meaningful songs? What happened to actually listening to the lyrics? I mean, don’t get me wrong, a lot of songs have great beats and loops. Some songs now are just as good lyrically as before, like Ne-Yo. And there definitely songs, usually ballads, that are new that are good, like Beyonce’s Scared of Lonely (or Sasha Fierce.. whatever she’s stupid). Yet we have artists who are even from that time period of good songs like Mariah Carey and anyone who’s still musically involved from NSync who have changed all their music for money’s sake. So much for those beautiful harmonies that they used to brag about.

If you take time to notice, you’ll realize that every song that could be considered a classic long song is from at least ten years ago. I don’t think it’s a time issue, but rather an issue of content. Any song that could ever be in the running for a theme song for a prom or formal would have to be picked from a list that is at least a decade old, with the exception of a few songs such as our junior prom song So Close. There are no such things as classic love songs from the 00’s, yet so many from every decade prior.

So, in honor of 90’s music, which I will forever be proud of listening to, here’s a couple songs. Everything’s pretty pop-y, since pretty much everything that time frame was pop driven. Thanks xiao jie jie and da jie jie for always playing those sappy songs; they worked.

My Prayer - Devotion

Dear God,
I know that shes out there…the one I’m suppose to share my whole life with.
And in time…you’ll show her to me.
Will you take care of her, comfort her, and protect her…until that day we meet.
And let her know…my heart…is beating with hers.

In a dream I hold you close
Embracing you with my hands
You gazed at me with eyes full of love
And made me understand

That I was meant to share it with you
My heart my mind my soul
Then I open my eyes
And all I see reality shows I’m alone

But I know someday that you’ll be by my side
Cause I know gods just waiting till the time is right

God will you keep her safe from the thunderstorm
When the days cold will you keep her warm
When the darkness falls will you please shine her the way
God will you let her know that I love her so
When there’s no one there that shes not alone
Just close her eyes and let her know
My heart is beating with hers

So I prayed until that day (prayed until that day)
When our hearts will beat as one (when our hearts hearts will beat as one)
I will wait so patiently (patiently)
For that day to come (for that day to come)

I know someday that you’ll be by my side
Cause I know God;s just waiting till the time is right

She’s The One - Tension
Since chinese music is basically pop anyway, it fits with all the other 90’s music.

Lyrics:
first part
second part

Back At One - Brian McKnight
I don’t really like Shayne Ward’s rendition

It’s undeniable
That we should be together
It’s unbelievable
How i used to say that I’d fall never
The basis you need to know
If you don’t know just how i feel
Then let me show you now
That I’m for real
If all things in time
Time will reveal
Yeah

One, you’re like a dream come true
Two, just wanna be with you
Three, girl it’s plain to see
That you’re the only one for me
Four, repeat steps one through three
Five, make you fall in love with me
If ever i believe my work is done
Then i start back at one

So incredible
The way things work themselves out
And all emotional, once you know what it’s all about babe
And undesirable
For us to be apart
Never would have made it very far
Cause you know that you’ve got the keys to my heart
Cause

Say farewell to the dark night
I see the coming of the sun
I feel like a little child
Whose life has just begun
You came and breathed new life
Into this lonely heart of mine
You threw out the life line
Just in the nick of time

6, 8, 12 - Brian McKnight

Ooh, ooh
Do you ever think about me?
Do you ever cry yourself to sleep?
In the middle of the night when you’re awake,
Are you calling out for me?
Do you ever reminisce?
I can’t believe I’m acting like this
I know it’s crazy
How I still can feel your kiss

It’s been six months, eight days, twelve hours
Since you went away
I miss you so much and I don’t know what to say
I should be over you
I should know better but it’s just not the case
It’s been six months, eight days, twelve hours
Since you went away

Do you ever ask about me?
Do your friends still tell you what to do?
Every time the phone rings,
Do you wish it was me calling you?
Do you still feel the same?
Or has time put out the flame?
I miss you
Is everything okay?

It’s hard enough just passing the time
When I can’t seem to get you off my mind
And where is the good in goodbye?
Tell me why, tell me why

I can’t always be here.
I refuse to.

DILIGE, ET QUOD VIS FAC
“Love, and do what thou wilt”
-St. Augustine

Translation of John Chang:
“Love God, and do whatever the hell you want. Just always keep in mind who you’re representing with your life.”

I hold onto all the withering branches. With every last hope, the point of every turn and saddle of every mountain deny any and everything beyond all transparency. I dare not look down to see what lies below. Perhaps it is merely solid ground inches below my feet, or possibly an ocean, waiting for my engulfment into the water.

We are such a greedy generation. Everything is here and now. But, I’m done with Lit Honors and I’ve written enough essays about instant gratification and whatnot, so I really don’t want to write yet another essay about society’s superficial satisfaction. I mean, sure I could relate all the things the Bible teaches about materialism to our daily lives and show that those flaws are acknowledged by even the secular world (thank goodness for all those lit books). This issue of getting what you want is lopsided though; we always talk about the evil associated with being greedy and how it drives us towards ultimate destruction, either mentally, psychologically, or even physically. Then what about the other side of the argument? What about the side that states that being greedy could, dare I say, be good? In order to make this argument, though, we must first believe that there is at least the potential of being upright and righteous people. I hesitate to use “good” because really the definition of “good” is “perfect,” and of course we have no capability to be that.

“Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.” -Psalm 37:4 NIV

“Enjoy serving the Lord, and he will give you what you want.” -Psalm 37:4 New Century Version

Most every version of the English Bible states this verse in the same way that is stated in the NIV. The NCV version is the only substantially different translation. Obviously, the second clauses of both versions are pretty much the same. While both translations of the first clause make sense, each gives a different connotation. To “delight yourself in the Lord” seems more focused upon being joyful in the Lord and what He’s done. It radiates a tone of thanksgiving and praise, of adoration and admiration. It is as if we are called to dwell in God’s presence all the time. This presence is definitely something too great and powerful to experience from anything else. It is both binding and comforting, although those two usually do not go together. It is the only thing in this world (or out of this world) that can captivate us and hold us in stillness, almost suspended in the air and we do not notice that we are being held in the palm of His hands. He holds us tightly within the grips of his love, and his voice echoes around us like a booming thunder, yet all the while being as soft as a whisper. And then, He takes us with Him as He proceeds through His kingdom, the angels exalting the riches of His majesty and wonder of His glory. All this time, we are brought with Him through the air, the breeze blowing against our faces as warmth shines from His. And at some point along this journey, He stops and looks at us with something in his other palm, saying, “These are the gifts I want to give to you.” And as we look at what He presents us, we realize that those are things we truly desire; He has dug deep within our hearts and found our deepest wants.

This seems to be one very feasible example of how the NIV version presents God’s longing to give us His gifts, my analogy figurative to some degree of course. Now, what about the second version? Instead of “delighting” we are told to “enjoy serving.” The Hebrew word is ענג, `anag, meaning “to be glad in any thing.” But I do not think that the NCV translation says anything out of the Hebrew definition. Rather, I think they go hand in hand. It seems to me that the message suggests that by serving the Lord, we find joy in it. To go even further, we not only enjoy it, but we desire to do so; we delight in it. This seems so true as we go about serving God. Although we may get irritated by our colleagues and tired of what we do or even burnt out, serving serves to be the only thing we can do in life that can always give complete joy. And, keeping both translations in mind, serving the Lord is delighting in Him, and delighting in the Lord is serving Him. Imagine the scenario of a king, and all his servants around him. Here you have some who cook for him and serve him food, others who use those palm leaves to fan him, and still others who run around for him. But I would imagine that for a king like God, there must be some who are simply praising Him, and that would be their way of serving him.

As for the second clause, it’s pretty simple to think about. As you get closer to another person, you start to love the person more and more. You appreciate them more, you learn from them more. And eventually, chance are you’ll probably start thinking like them more. This is precisely what happens with our relationship with God. The fact is, everything we do for God, praise him, serve him, preach for him, it’s actually all for us. God doesn’t need our praise. Who are we to claim that what we have to offer is worth anything? We do all those things so that we can draw closer to him, so that we can know him more. And through knowing him better, his thoughts become our thoughts, and soon our desires coincide with His. And as we all know, when God wants something, He gets it. After all, He is God. So why do we focus so much about the most practical way to get what we want? Yes, God can work in practical ways, and many routes we take in life can very much have God’s blessing and support. But let’s not worry so much about whether this choice or that choice is what God wants. Rather, just dwell upon him, get to know Him more, dive deep within His presence and search for Him. In the end, all the forks in the road we encounter will have the foundation of God beneath them, and we need not worry about the safety of those paths. We can have faith in their consistency with God’s desires.

“Like oil for Your feet,
like wine for You to drink
like water from my heart
I pour my love on You
If praise if like perfume
I’ll lavish mine on you
till every drop is gone
I pour my love on You”
-Pour My Love On You, Phillips Craig and Dean